They say that women are from Venus and men from Mars. Although both are equally human, I can’t disagree with that statement.
In the past 5 months, I have been curiously observing how both groups behave and why they are so different. It only hit me recently, when I was chatting with women-only groups vs men-only groups. The interactions and topics are vastly differently.
Men vs Women
It is no news that men and women are wired differently and we see the world with different perspectives. This could be unhelpful generalisation, but they are my observations thus far:
- Men are masters of compartmentalisation
- Men are more skilled at executing a task without the emotional consideration/baggage that may come with it
- Women provide the emotional labour in this world
Sometimes I feel like a man in the way I behave, think and act. I grew up in a very male-dominated household; my cousins are mainly males, I hung out with male friends in school, there are generally more males in the family than females. Thus, I unconsciously picked up a lot of traits that males possess. At the same time, being a female, I inherently have the softer female traits. I consciously rebalance both traits and use them when needed.
Masters of Compartmentalisation
My head works like a TV. I have channels for different topics and can switch easily. I compartmentalise subjects and topics into their little channels. Often, I play the channels together to link them up at a higher level (cross-domain ideating). When I discover new things, I create a new channel in my tv-mind. When I enrich the channels through books, videos and conversations, I increase the programs and topics that the channel can provide. That’s how I have trained my mind since I was 15. It’s easy to switch between channels when talking to different people about various topics.
Then I realised that not many people behave the same.
I learnt this one random day, when someone told me that a great hypnotherapist has a 9x9x9 rubik’s cube in his head. He stores lessons learnt in them, and can easily retrieve the information. I liked the idea, and changed it to a dynamic tv-channel system in my mind. It was helped me a lot, where I can separate things at a high level.
However, this is not common in people, particularly women. Women, I noticed, lump everything together, connect everything and overanalyse. I know that because I have done that many times. With compartments, I can now pick and choose what I what channels I want to link together, instead of it being a cluster mess of linkage. It can be good for analysis and looking at smaller variables that can affect an outcome (like what AI can do now), but for everyday living, it’s stress as fuck.
Men, on the other hand, are pretty damn good at compartmentalising. Sure, the environment that one grows up in determines the degree of this skillset, but in general, men are great at it. It’s helpful to focus on just the topic at hand and work at it. None of the random stray thoughts, a complete focus on the matter. However, it can sure be limiting, since you only see the topic at a constrained level. That brings me to my next point.
Executing Tasks and Emotional Consideration
You presented like a man. Act like a man now.
Men are great at executing tasks without the emotional consideration and baggage that comes along with it.
I noticed this one week, when I had a chat with professional women vs professional men on 2 separate occasions.
Women, being over-thinkers, consider the consequences and possible backlashes of the various actions. Be it stating an opinion, being too forward, being too loud, being too aggressive. These are not traits that are seen in a good light when the person is a women. Women are being called a bitch, an asshole, too bossy, you name it. So, you rarely see women being like that. There is too much at stake to behave like one. I know that because I think thrice for the things I say, act and do. This is also why you see more articles written by women that is around facts instead of opinions (in my space).
On the other hand, men just do it. When they want to say something, they do it. They do what they think is right. If there is a backlash or criticisms, it is fine, for you have made your point and open to the consequences of it not being accepted. This is not uncommon, for I see lots of twitter arguments dominated by men. And during my conversations, men are not afraid to speak their minds, even if it might be controversial. You also see lots of opinions on articles written by men, especially in my space (research + crypto).
There is no inherent good or bad. It is all about a balance. It is important to share your educated opinion and not be afraid to let the world hear it. At the same time, be open to criticisms and not take everything so goddamn personally.
Fun fact: on my hypothesis of men vs women, it’s interesting that most (all?) dictators are men. Just do it and fuck the emotional baggages that comes with it. Women are more crafty with their emotional baggage, it’s subtle and almost a form of art.
Men seek emotional comfort from women and women provide the emotional labour in this world.
I experimented with getting emotional support and comfort from my male friends vs female friends.
Men are more oblivious to emotions. Things are more black and white, yes or no. These are their advices to my problems.
- Want to do something? Do it. Don’t ask.
- Feeling un-confident? Start small, try things out. Just go ahead and do it, see what the outcome is.
- Feeling worried about something? Just be upfront and straight forward and speak your mind.
On the other hand, with women, things are more connected to each other. The whole analysis of why that happened, what could cause it, what is the meaning to that, what could happen after, etc. There is a whole analysis behind. It is also less about solving the problem but more about understanding the problem.
I don’t believe there is a good or bad thing to this. It’s more like 2 sets of toolkits and use them appropriately. Although, sometimes I feel that women can be too over-analytical to everyday issues. It’s like understanding the difference between internal vs external locus of control.
Locus of Control
With internal locus of control, you know that everything is within your control and you have the power to change anything and do what you need to. I noticed this more in men.
With external locus of control, things are not within your control and you react to the situation. I noticed this more in women. At least in the women I’ve met and spoken to around the world.
It frustrates me. As a person who has high internal locus of control, I don’t get how someone can be passively reacting to situations and not want control over it. But perhaps in this way, one becomes more anti-fragile. When you understand the connection between the external factors and your analysis to how it can help you, you’re less fragile. Compared to when everything is within your control and a failure is all your fault, maybe that mindset is limiting in that it does not seek to leverage resources from outside.
Best of Both Worlds
There’s no right or wrong to anything in life. It’s a balance and how you want to live your world. After all, our reality is whatever we deem it to be. Meanings are made up, and it is a mental construct from our reality of relative truth. I’m learning to strike a balance in my reality, whatever it may be.
- Compartmentalise subjects on a micro level. Link them to allow for cross-domain pollination on a macro level.
- Execute tasks and be open to criticisms. Just do it, and don’t take anything too fucking personally.
- Emotions are a toolkit, not a burden. Use it when needed. They’re helpful in many various situations.