Education, since the end of 2016, I constantly question myself on choices. I am usually pretty great at making choices. In 2017, I started to really question everything. I am so close to quitting school and focus on things that really matter to me. I study economics for the love of models and its relevance and application. Economics is how I can explain the entire world. Economics is the fundamentals to life and everything in between. Economics is fun and I love it.
But recently, the brilliant education system has utterly killed this curiosity and enthusiasm in me. Perhaps it is my issue of being bored with many things, or maybe it is the system that I am beginning to abhor. Economics comes in macroeconomics and microeconomics form. I would love to study about how policies affect international trade, analyse current trade issues, applying some models into current affairs, learning about making proper decisions with economics and other optimisation and incentive models. I guess in a way, I am learning them. But the way the education system is built is structured around a common social goal – attaining better university rankings via research papers produced, hence there is an incentive to cultivate researchers instead.
Maybe studying in Maastricht, the perfect university for my character and interests, made me realise a bunch of things. How economics come into play with decision making and analysis. How theories are playing out in real life. How practical my economics can and will be.
In Singapore, all I learn is theories, memorising theories and proving theories. I hate that so much. All I want to know is that these theories work and then I want to learn how to apply them. I am learning to apply them now, but in a modeled world, nothing close to reality.
However, I think I am also at fault. See, economics models and proving in this deep level is something relatively new to me. My head is adjusting to the changing. It is resisting new change, and absorbing at the same time. Perhaps all I need is time to adapt to this new changes. After all, I pride myself with being flexible with change and being adaptive to new environments. When is now the best time to prove it?
I guess the level of technicality is also an issue. Things were a lot easier in the past few years of education. Everything was intuitive with models and application. However, now is about theories and models. So I need more time to digest and absorb the knowledge. I used to be able to understand everything during the time of lessons, lectures and whatnots. But now, I actually have to revise again……… like normal people. I am always stuck in the dilemma between wanting to learn what normality feels like, and being my crazy self again. The latter, always the latter.
So, I will continue to be great at my studies. I will actually revise and know my shit because after a week of brain activities, I realised that the lessons last week are a lot easier. With this theory and trend, it means that by the end of 14 weeks, I will be well versed in my specialisation and topics!
Not only that, I will dedicate time to build my foundation of life. There is no best time in the world than now. I get access to so many amazing resources and experts. I’m beyond thankful that the universe is always conspiring to help me. The universe took the party people away, reminded me of the negative people in my life and gave me so much strength through individuals around the world. No doubt, sometimes I feel lonely in this tiny island, Singapore. But I know once I step out of this country, my home and best friends are everywhere.
It gives me the best time to do what I want to do. I get the peace I need, the focus I need, the time I need and the space I need. All I have to do is to quit being a fucking whiny bitch and start working on my dreams and goals.
I am forever thankful that people I love are just a phone call away. Be it 4 hours flight, 10.000km or forever traveling. I’m thankful to be so loved, despite being lost. I am thankful for the random encouragement by strangers or friends living far far away. I am beyond thankful for every single individual in my life. Thankful for the bad choices and lessons learnt, thankful for a bunch of people that love me that love me no matter how far I fly and where I am, thankful for the opportunities presented in my face.
Education is just a small factor in my life. It is going to help me, I am sure. I love what I study and I really hope to be someone that is skilled in a field, yet knows a lot of other things in the world. I always say that the scholarship (also something I’m so blessed and thankful for) is the only thing that is keeping me from quitting school. But maybe deep down, I really wish to be a good economist that is able to do basic analysis and understand models. Greece may be a stunning and beautiful country, but I also hope to make sense of its Greek alphabets in formulas. After all, one of my little mini goals in life is to write a thesis paper, ideally an economics paper.
So whatever I am doing now, is all to build my dreams and goals. Yes, there is more to life than a piece of certificate and degree. But there is also more to studying models and understanding theories. Maybe one day, I would figure out a great theory in economics and make a “Lisa Model”. Imagine that. An empowering successful female entrepreneur with massive contributions to help the poor in India, has also created her own economics model, taught in universities. After all, my professor is the student of a long list of professors that are students of professors that goes all the way back to the basic economists in the world!
Dreams are as real as you make them out to be.
Here’s to firing up that love for greek alphabets and working hard towards my dreams again.