It hit me one day, on the yacht, in the middle of the sea.
Experiences redefine expectations.
I never knew what that meant until late 2018, early 2019.
A Blessed Life
You see, life has been incredibly kind and wonderful. Beyond my wildest dreams, I am blessed with the most beautiful souls, the kindest hearts and the most heart-warming smiles.
And in addition to that, I am always being prioritised. When that is the only experience you get with people, you really don’t know any better.
Hence, for the majority of my life, I have just always assumed and expected to be the priority. All the time.
Growing up, I’ve always been very lucky. Being the only girl at home and the cutest granddaughter amongst 11 grandchildren, you can say I am (incredibly) spoilt. It’s not by choice, the environment just happens to be this way.
As I reached adolescence and then to being a child, I more or less knew what I wanted and always got it with my own efforts. Approaching the early teens, I’m blessed with wonderful friends who taught me, guided me and pampered me.
I realised how unhealthy it can be, to be living in a bubble of comfort. I sought out ways to get out and learn to be independent in my own means.
Puberty, late teens and living abroad, I was even more spoilt with the kindest souls and best people available. Early 20s also continued in the same vein – wonderful people and being spoilt by the raw kind souls.
It’s hard to imagine me not getting what I want. Firstly, I know what I want and get it always, with my own abilities. Secondly, I’m the luckiest, to experience the most amazing people the world has to offer.
My first NO-experience
So you can only imagine what happened when I first encountered “no”. I was devastated because I had never experienced this feeling. It felt like a strange sense of loss, of hopelessness and of unfairness. I did everything to my best ability, but I still received a no.
But everything is a lesson, a feedback, a way to move forward. Experiencing NO allowed me to see beyond my comfort zone. It allowed me to grow and become more anti-fragile.
When your life revolves around being a priority, it accidentally defines my expectations towards all my relationships (including friendships). Realising that was a game changer in how I saw the world.
It took me a while to accept (& realise) that I am spoilt and I have unrealistic expectations with respect to what “normal people” experience. (In my defense, a quarter of my life’s experience deems otherwise, so who’s right and who’s wrong?)
Today, I am constantly challenging my experiences, for I know it defines my experiences. I put myself out there to be vulnerable and be rejected. It has given me the opportunity to experience more “NO”s, to stand up from falling down, to be rejected and move on with life. It has made me anti-fragile; fearless about everything.
Still, my bar is constantly being raised with how I define what love is and what I want to experience out of love. At the same time, I am learning to have no expectations on the love I receive. Still have not figured out how this works, but I believe that love is selfless. I will love with my best abilities, and expect nothing in return.
Still learning, always growing and redefining my expectations.