To me, sex has 2 parts — the emotional and the physical connections. The physical connection is easy, one simply need to be conventionally attractive. My favourite parts of a men are facial hair, arms, chest and the V-line. They make me feel safe to be in those arms or laying my head on the chest.
The emotional connection is slightly more challenging. It requires certain personalities to gel together and mix them well into a special concoction. Thankfully, I am able to connect with people easily and build the emotional connection.
And when these 2 items come together in sex, everything is mind-blowing. And let’s be real, if you’re not doing mind-blowing sex, you’re better off masturbating. However, the down side is that with the emotional connection, one catches feelings easily. I mean, isn’t what emotions are there for?
So it took me quite some time, but I’ve learnt a special balance to have both emotional and physical connections without catching feelings.
Step 1: Separation
I finally learnt how to separate emotional from the physical connection. They used to come as a pair. You can’t do one without the other. But then, when I experienced one without the other, it just clicked in my brain that you can separate that.
So I’m aware that one can separate them. That’s important.
Step 2: Balance
Once I understood it, I thought I could move on and just keep them separated. But as mentioned before, one without the other doesn’t result in mind-blowing sex. (I’ve had non-mind-blowing sex twice in my life. I am not a fan. But that helped me to be aware of the separation of the 2 things, so I’m grateful for the experiences.)
So what is the solution? Balance the emotional with the physical connection. I can connect with people easily, like humans to humans connection type of friendship. I used to overdo it, like lover to lover connection type of relationship. So I toned my emotional connection down, and increase the physical connection instead. That is a good balance, I think.
That means I continue the physical attraction, but tone the emotional attraction down. The other party still feels full emotional attraction though, because Lisa’s love is mind-blowing.
Step 3: Letting it go
I love love. I think love is the best thing humans do. To love and to be loved is the most beautiful thing in the world, and I’m such a lucky motherfucker to have experienced that over and over. So naturally, I love the lover to lover connection. And my brain, like a time machine, will go back in time to experience those feelings again.
And when one keeps doing that, the stupid brain will create some oxytocin and the probability of catching feelings increases rather exponentially. Instead, I let things go. Not that I forget them, more like I don’t take my time machine to go back to that moment. I’ll always remember those feelings and emotional connection though, because like an elephant, I don’t forget.
So there, it took me some time but I think I’ve learnt to balance this. As always, things are still a hypothesis but the data is healthy thus far.
Here’s to mind-blowing sex. May there only be mind-blowing ones.