Some days, doubt overcasts me like a thunderstorm approaching. In the past, I sabotage my success due to fear of not being good enough, fear of being inadequate. I know that there are a million other people out there better than me, smarter than me, more capable than me.
I’m also immensely grateful for the people around me, who keep promoting me as some sort of genius. I am not. Curiosity drives me, and I know a little of everything. Also, I ask too many questions. I am still learning to add the most value with every interaction I have. This gets quite stressful sometimes, when I fear I can’t live up to that hype.
Thankfully, I have a tiny voice inside that screams “YOU!! ARE !! GOOD!! ENOUGH!! GIRL!!”.
And that voice belongs to E.
I’m most grateful for E, as we met at a curious time. Both kinda lost but also kinda found. We have the basic necessities covered and secured. And we wanted to attain new heights. Being at the similar situation was both great and stressful together. We helped each other to climb up and supported each other when we can. It can also get stressful when we are both lost at the same time.
Kinda like the concept of distributed insurance, where you have farmers growing different crops to hedge against bad crops, yet on the same track of farming. It sucks when drought happens and all crops die. It’s also nice when all farmers understand and support each other.
It took me about a good 4-5 years, to finally accept the fact that “good is good enough”. There is no such thing as perfection, and good is good enough for this equilibrium. The equilibrium keeps changing, and “good” keeps adapting and becoming better. I like this principle better. There is no long-run isn’t it. We are all dead in the long-run.
In a way, fear of inadequacy has served me well. Actually everything can serve one well as long as one knows how to leverage it. Due to my fear of not being good enough, my life is heavily dependent on processes, systems and strong fundamentals. This way, I am sure that if the execution fails, it is due to other factors (of inadequacy) than the process, system, structure or fundamentals.
And it has certainly served me well now. I can achieve so much more with significantly less time. And I’m so happy about that. Every other person thinks that I am playing all day long. That is not true. I simply have the structure (80%) in place, and focus on the 20% that gives me the 80% output.
I was invited to go sailing yesterday, but I stayed in the office to finish my work, then ran and hit the gym. Then replied my emails again. It’s not always play! Quite proud of that right decision made.
When In Doubt
- I’ve also started to keep pushing forward. Say yes and figure things out later. Thankfully, I know a good majority of general basics, so it is never difficult to do something new.
- The voice inside also keeps reminding me that I am good enough. I’m most grateful for the people around me, near or far, to remind me of this when the going gets tough.
- Daily reflection of what successes I’ve accomplished and what I want to do better.
- Daily acknowledgement of my success and progress has been a phenomenal help. I am never one who needs validation for my physical being, but for my output and deliverables, it’s valuable to appreciate each success.
- SHUT THE FUCK UP. That is what I tell my brain. It works more often than you think.
- Run. Workout. Move yo ass. Taking my mind off work helps. Sometimes I go for a walk. On weekends, I buy flowers at the flower market. Other times, I just watch a short documentary and come back later.
- Appreciate the doubt. Doubt exists as a way to warn us. Sometimes I get too overconfident and doubt is my reality check.
- Sometimes I don’t have the right resources, and doubt helps me to recognise what else I need. Doubt is useful, when used right.
Keep pushing on. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!