Saw this video on YouTube and it reminded me about sadness and the importance of it. Generally, as a person with happy childhood, stable life and a bright future, life is great. It is wonderful. I have people who love and care for me, while also loving and caring for them. That being said, some days are not so bright. And it is important to embrace these darker days. For they give more meaning to brighter ones.
Gentle words to hear when I need them on dark days.
So many points to mull over and reflect upon!
There is no eternal happiness.
One thing that stood out very much while reading Huxley’s Brave New Word was the Soma — the happiness drug that keep people in a perpetual high and removes discomfort. There, people are perpetually happy. There is no sadness. And life is good.
But is it?
Living with limitation is precisely what gives life meaning. 🤔 something worth pondering about.
(& we have Orwell and Huxley on extreme ends, don’t we 🤣)
— Lisa JY Tan (@lisajytan) May 20, 2019
It is living through the pain, the discomfort, the agony where we learn, grow and become better. Sadness and discomfort is important to bring the balance of true happiness. Real happiness and satisfaction exists because there is sadness and discomfort. It is not about experiencing these emotions, but learning to embrace and get through them.
In a world completely engineering by forced happiness (joy in Inside Out, fake positivity in the media), everything is pointless.
Appreciate joy and sadness.
One thing that is in my head for ten years now is “sunshine every day makes a desert”. I carried that with me through my journey in life. It is an acceptance that we cannot be happy all the time, for happiness then loses its meaning. There is no happiness without sadness. And I want to experience joy the way it is.
So when days are dark and hard, I remember that the good times will come back again and I’m waiting for it. When the days are bright and happy, I remember the dark cold days and be grateful for the now. I learnt to appreciate all the good and bad bits in life. It’s only what makes life worth living.
Love. It comes with pain.
Another thing that makes life worth living is love. Without love, there is really no reason to live. Life is pointless and boring. The dark side to love is pain. Pain is the price we pay for love. Pain in terms of losing someone, losing trust, being vulnerable. Pain is not a nice feeling. I understand why that hinders many to draw the walls up and not love. I know, because I’ve done that.
And it sucks. It sucks big time. It feels easier to prevent yourself from having to experience love and pain, than to cure it. Prevention is better than cure, isn’t it. But when it comes to love, that payoff isn’t worth it. The dominant strategy here is still to love, get hurt and then love again.
Grieving is important.
With pain and sadness, the main message is that grieving is important. (How to grief.) This is also where sadness plays a huge role. Sadness to appreciate happiness, yeah that’s good. But sadness is still the supporting role. The role in which sadness is the main actor is grief.
Grief what we lost. We feel sadness because we experience loss. We grief to cope with that acceptance of loss. To feel that sadness, to embrace that sadness, then to let it go. That’s how I grief. I allow myself to feel that pain, that sadness, that hurt. There’s nothing to do about it. These are emotions and all equally valid. I accept them, experience them then let it go. It’s as simple as that.
To grow, we leave things behind. Be it people, memories, things. And that’s okay. We experience so much in life, not everything is going to stick through the end. It’s okay.
There’s a difference between feeling depressed and clinical depression. I felt depressed, I was not clinically depressed. It’s a weird feeling. The movie shows it well — the control panel shutting down and you are trying so hard to get it back up. But it is just not working. You really try and you try so hard and it just keep failing. It becomes a negative loop. Then all joy disappears. Everything is pointless. I knew something was wrong when I couldn’t feel happiness nor love.
One way that really helped was to just accept it and then feel it. To really feel the emotions and acknowledge that they exist. These emotions are usually sadness turned frustration and anger from not getting out of the situation.
Some memories are blue, and I keep them as it is in my memory bank. Because they help me to be grateful for the things I’ve been through and to remember that no matter how blue things get, I am here today and got over it.
The Raw Love
To quote the video, there’s a type of love only experienced through sadness. A type of joy only experienced through grief. They are the most beautiful of all.
And I agree. I am able to have all these great friends in my life not because we had tons of fun. We loved and cared for each other despite the dark days. We were there when anyone felt vulnerable. We go the distance despite it being awful and to keep going. I’m grateful that when I need a hand, a shoulder to cry on, a back to lean on, there are wonderful friends in my life that I can call up and know that they were there for me. The compassion, the empathy, the comfort. That is raw true love. Love between two adults, being grateful for each other’s existence.