Own it. Don’t let it own you
More often than not, I end up getting mad at things where I had expectations but no control over. When things don’t turn out my way, I get mad. I get frustrated. That has done more harm than good for me. In the midst of figuring out how to deal with expectations, I found peace in lessons from meditation. And speaking to many of my friends, of course. The best way to learn is to learn from people who have mastered it.
It took me a while to learn this lesson, but I have successfully learnt it and applied them in my life today. The secret in life is that shit happens. And what can you do when shit happens? Just own that shit and move on. To think that we get more “justice” by harping on that shit is to think that war is the best solution to find peace.
There are many examples and ways I’ve learnt to own my shit.
One of the ways is through rejections.
Sometimes, we don’t always get things the way we want. And it took me a year, but I’ve learnt that it is okay. Shit happens, as it does. Just own it and move on. The fact that I decided to own that shit (be it sadness from rejection, disappointment from not getting the client, etc) signals to myself that I am responsible for it. I look for lessons learnt and then move on. Sometimes things are not within my control, and I’ve done my best. I take responsibility for it, and then move on.
Another one is when things don’t go the way we want them to.
It’s frustrating sometimes when you see inefficiency and can do nothing about it. Or when you know of better ways to do things but it is not done that way. Or when unexpected bullshit happens and it is just annoying. Again, own that and move on. Harping on the anger only ruins the rest of the day. Why allow that 10min of annoyance to ruin the rest of the 23h50min? That is not efficient, that does not optimise my happiness and that’s stupid. So I either own that annoyance for 10min, or just allow it to go and not even give my precious 10min away by being mad.
At the end of the day, everything is still within my control and my decision to make. I can’t control the situation, but I can always control my reaction towards it. I can either get pissed off when someone is late, or I can take the time to read under the sun. And what will be will be.
This is perhaps why I value independence and hate reliance on others. Because when I have to do something conditional on someone, it makes it more challenging to own the situational shit. So I’ve learnt to take people’s words with a pinch of salt. Want to travel somewhere together? Sure, send me the air tickets before I believe you. Want to come to Singapore? Land your ass here before I make plans on where to go and what to do. Want to work together? Send me the deposit and let’s get cracking.
Thing is, I can do many things on my own. I can do more with people, but alone, I can do plenty. And at the end of the day, simply have no expectations on things out of one’s control. And if shit happens, take ownership of it, be mad for 10min and never allow that 10min to ruin the rest of the 23h50min.
Ps: The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you. This also means to own the things and not allow the things to upset you. Because you know who you are and what you want — and this shitty situation does not define who you are nor what you want. So to allow it to make you upset is just silly.