A theme of the past week is “vulnerability”. I have been struggling with the concept for vulnerability. Not that I accept it exists, but to accept that I AM VULNERABLE. I am not perfect. I am weak. I have insecurities. I have fears.
The idea started last week with the weekly chats with Dave. We talked about fear and vulnerability, which kickstarted a week long reflection on vulnerability and fear. I realised I was unconsciously being a Trump (J’s words) — building up walls.
I was building walls around my heart again, so that my heart will not be broken and I will not be hurt. I realised that I have a fear of being hurt. And I wanted to numb that fear. The best way is to build a fortress where I am safe inside.
Obviously that is not right. So I spent a few days mulling over it, reflecting and came to a realisation.
Vulnerability makes us who we are.
My underlying fear is that I am fear of being hurt. And to remove that fear, I build walls around. This means I gate-keep what comes into my fortress and I can always be safe in there.
But that is not why we are on this earth for. We are on this earth to risk our hearts. To open our hearts to experiences — good or bad. We are here to ride the highs of joy and the lows of sorrow. We are here to embrace fear, accept flaws and celebrate vulnerability.
So I accept who I really am. A very flawed human being. While I seek to become a better Lisa every day, I also know that flaws will continue to exist. I embrace my flaws and vulnerabilities. And improve in whatever ways I can.