One year changes you. A lot.

I remember this time last year. Oh was I such a different person. Not good or bad, just different. Looking back at this year, I have done so much, experienced more than I can imagine, learnt a ton and grown exponentially. I’m always excited at my future growth, and experiencing it here right now gives me so much joy.

Last year this time, I was warm when it’s snowing outside. I’d sit by the fireplace or large window and watch the world cover in snow. This year this time, I’m sitting by the pool, listening to the crashing waves and getting the tan of my family name. But that is just on the outside.

On the inside, I have battled with so many breakdowns, burnouts, fears, doubts, uncertainties. I also experienced insane happiness, support, love and friendship. I had my highest highs and lowest lows.

I’m always pleasantly surprised at my growth, at how much I changed in a year. My top 3 growth highlights of the year.

Learning to deal with burnouts

When you have to deal with about 3-4 intense burnouts annually, you soon learn a trick or two. I’ve written about burnouts and low-lulls many times, and I soon learnt a pattern that I noticed. First acknowledge what burnouts are. Then be aware of the patterns & signs of burnouts. Then act upon it. One can only eat so many ice creams before realising that it is my burnout sign.

I’ve had the worst burnout this summer, and learnt that even I have a limit. My friends told me many times before to take a break. Rationally, I understand. Irrationally, this is my life for years now. I literally have no idea how to take a break. What is a …… vacation?

Learning to take breaks

And that brings me to a huge growth of the recent 7-ish years: learning to take a break. I had my first break in ~5 years in Bali. It was a weekend, and I really had my mind off work. It is the first time ever. I was in Chile in Jan, but I was still obsessively thinking about work. In Bali, I was at a beach club and literally have no clue what to do. I didn’t have my laptop with me. I didn’t want to be on the phone. I had a book on monetary policy and got bored after a while. I have no clue how to do a vacation. I ended up drinking loads of beer lol

But over the next few months, I had more intensive burnout periods. Which forced me to learn how to take a break and really chill. Because like sharpening the saw, a break is necessary to be more efficient later on. It took me 1 massive low period, 1 burn out, too many painkillers for my head, many crying nights and I finally almost got it. Left my laptop back in New York, took a plane, bought a sci-fi book and hung out in a hammock by the clear blue water. Then a few more of such events and I think I’m learning how to take a break.

Breaks are fantastic. It makes me miss working so much. It also gives me new ideas and sparks to life again.

Basically, I really love researching and learning new things. And then applying it to creative solutions in economics. Breaks are when I have the luxury to read, learn and explore new topics. It’s hard to find things that makes me happier than learning new things and finding ways to apply them in creative solution design.

Learning to expand my life beyond work

I think the absolute biggest growth of 2022 is that I started to think about my life beyond work. I started to think more about my personal life growth. Not just as an individual, but what it means to start a family, to have kids, to balance between my professional goals and life goals. I spent a lot of time this year, more than the rest of my life combined, thinking about these things. The tradeoff, the balance, the decisions to be made now that will cement a big part of my future life. Maybe that contributed to my burnouts this year too, unconsciously.

I have to balance so much. Some days, I’m so tired and I just feel like giving it all up. Or sometimes I fantasise about a simple life.

Still learning.

Love,
L