Breakthroughs are fun only at the end. The process of it is terrible, I’d say. I hate every single moment of it, but I think that is just life. Climbing a huge mountain to reach the peak is such a daunting task, but the view makes it all worth the climb. Same with breakthroughs. The frustration, worries, anxiety(?) and despair is all part of the climb to the peak. The peak is worth it.
After going through breakthroughs after breakthrough, which means frustrations and tears after frustrations and tears, I finally found the pattern and cycle. (More cycles and patterns here, here, here, here and here)
In the end, this is really a cycle of how I reconcile the brain and body.
- It starts off with being comfortable with where I am, and I am ready to Level Up. I feel excited but also nervous.
- The body reacts faster than what the brain understands. The I feel frustrated here. Always. Like clockwork.
- That leads to confusion. I have felt confusion so often in my life. Here, I feel hopeless. I feel like a loser. I feel lost and helpless. I feel like I cannot achieve anything in life. I am filled with doubt.
- And there is when breakthrough happens. I find the direction to get the answers. It is really the things I didn’t allow myself to hear before.
- Lastly, I am crystal clear with insights and direction of what the next step is. I feel light, carefree and return to the Happy Lisa again.
My theory of stage 3 to 4 is that during this process, the brain is trying to find solutions by deconstructing the synapses in my brain and finding new pathways of connections to get breakthroughs. In this process, it is all a blur of confusion and loss. I hate this feeling, but I know it is important to get to the next step. The only thing is I don’t know how long stage 3 to 4’s transition will take. Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes it takes 2 quarters of my year. That means I feel hopeless and like a loser for 2 quarters. It is not fun.
Now that I am clear about this pattern, I have awareness of what it takes to bring me to the next stage and thus reaching crystal clarity. I also have more patience and kindness with myself when I’m going through stage 2, 3 and transiting to 4.
Be kind to yourself. Allow soft Lisa to take control.