I feel like I am at a crossroad in life — where am choosing between going full on with my plans on world domination or enjoy the quieter peaceful life of living by the countryside, nice little land and just optimising my life. People keep saying you can do both, but I don’t think you really can. I’m talking about world shapers. They don’t live idly by some little town in the middle of nowhere, planting crops for personal consumption and rear some horses to gallop in the fields. World domination requires being in the room with movers and shakers, to be brainstorming on how to shape the future, to work on policies, regulations. Either way, I know I can do both — not at the same time. They are mutually exclusive.
Which Path Will I Regret the Most?
Looking ahead in 50 years, which path will I regret the most? I will regret not being the Carnegie, Rockefeller, Kennedy of this new world. But I also think about the other risks and tradeoffs that come with it, to rationalise my decision. The family freud, the legacy family business, the politics, and personal privacy, of course. These are tradeoffs that are in the pathway, that can be mitigated in one way or the other.
Would I enjoy a nice peaceful life, sailing around the world, galloping in the open fields, hiking and skiing on fresh snowy mountains? Sure, I would love that. But I can still do that with my ambitious path. I really love the idea of a simple life, running my consultancy firm to be worth half of a bil and focus on spending quality time with family and the future kids. But I genuinely think it is not enough to fulfil my personal identity.
Since I was 6, I knew I wanted to run my own business, globally and making a dent in the world, even in the smallest corner of my universe. It’s not about fame, recognition or money. I simply just find it incredibly fun to achieve such ambitious goals — because it is hard and succeeding in hard things is just really fun. I am definitely not going to be satisfied with being worth just 8 digits, or running a company with 9 digits. Life is so much more than that.
Yes, one can argue that life includes the smelling the flowers, watching the sunset, swimming in the ocean. I am still doing that. But I definitely can’t imagine not making a dent to the world in my lifetime. I think that is a huge part of my identity — making a positive change and achieving ambitious goals. It recharges me so much, and I love it so much.
I’m always thinking about succession plans, about keeping it within the family. I think the way to do both is to make this a public company, meritocracy to do its job and I can balance between family and my company.
At the end of the day, I want my yacht, helicopter and airplane. I want my own land, compound, island that is peaceful, quiet and away from everyone. I want everything in the world, and I keep achieving for more.
Where does ambition stop? You know what? It kinda doesn’t. It just keeps piling up, grows bigger and conquers more and more. It is just part of my personal identity. I love my company, I love what I do, I love the impact I can make. I want to remain this way, and structure the company in the way where I can be present for the family.
So what am I fearful about? What do I worry about? What is stopping me from achieving those goals?
Being with James has shown me the other side of life — the simple side of life. I can imagine what our 8 digit life looks like. For 2 months, I am genuinely considering it. It is so easy, peaceful, calm and just wonderful. I love it. I love every moment of that. I primarily fear 3 things — that
- I need to choose between this peaceful life with James and the ambitious life I want (that is part of my goals, dreams and identity)
- I will lose interest in what I do
- this ambition is beyond my abilities.
I love that James is so in love with the many things life offers, and it’s just so nice, simple and peaceful. It’s not “open a cafe in Bali” kind of boring peaceful, but a nice kind of city vibe peaceful. And I don’t know if he wants the life I want to live. But he is super extremely supportive of my ambitions, I know that. He said we can move somewhere if I need to. He said he is happy to take a sabbatical if that new city doesn’t have what he does. He is so supportive of my goals and dreams. I don’t think I need to choose between that. I think I do feel like I need to be more calm when around him in the peaceful life sense, than my ambitious self. I don’t know why I feel a need to hide the ambitious side of me.
So, in my interest, being in the cutting edge keeps me on my feet and it gets me high on life. Yes, the nature hikes, camping and ocean swim also gets me that high. But this is a different high. And if I stop being at the cutting edge, my ego swells. The cutting edge, the bleeding edge, the not knowing humble me. I don’t ever want to lose that.
And the last fear is just very silly. No one is ever prepared for this. You learn as you go. You grow with life experiences, with lessons and with mistakes. Fail fast and fail frequently. Best learning lesson.
I have been procrastinating on some books and even general reflections lately, because I’m afraid to open this box. But it’s all fine, really. Once in a while, we are lucky to be presented with opportunities to allow us to reevaluate our current path, options and choices. It is kinda like playing a video game, and being awarded a chance to exit, to focus on side quests or to continue to level up. I’m fortunate to be presented with great options and choices. And I’m most grateful that time after time, I’ve always chosen the path that I have first laid my eyes on. I like this path I’m on. I really do.
So let’s go. Let’s stick to it. And conquer the world with James on my side.
TLDR: it is not a trade-off. I can be a successful ambitious woman and a hella good mother and wife. I like the idea of a simple laidback 8 digit life. But I know that is not enough to fulfil my personal identity and life goals in 20 years time. I don’t have to sacrifice. I can do both. LFG.