Honestly, I am not sure what is going on anymore. My life just seems like a huge roller coaster lately. One week I’m happy and everything is all flowers and blooming. Another week is filled with confusion and uncertainty. And perhaps it is because I’m still in my playful mood and also, boys. Urgh boys. I’m not sure to be thankful to boys or annoyed because boys are so frustrating.

Life and Roller Coaster

I need to set my life straight – set it right. After this month, it will be travels, but the motivation behind is to grow Trevellers. Gosh, I need that so much. I need to always be reminded why I started. Trevellers. Trevellers. Trevellers.

It is changing the world. It is shaping people. It is inspiring others. Once again, I’m lost. Stuck in the limbo of busyness and too full of myself and life to know what is the next step. I’m honestly quite fearful yet excited now about life. I have absolutely no idea what the next 8 months is going to be. I’m excited because everything is new – new environment, new school, new people and new life.

Yet at the same time, I’m fearful mainly because it seems like everyone things I know what the hell I’m doing, but I really do not. I have no clue. Yet, I feel so pressured everyday, making the right move, going the right direction, doing the right things.

It is unlike me, perhaps, but the suffocation right now is real. (In addition, hanging out with only people older than me is so stressful because everyone knows what they are doing and I’m still quite lost because I’m not where I want to be yet. It is stressful when I compare myself with them – yet forgetting the age difference and I know I will be even further in those years time.)

A Note To Self

Dear Lisa, you know absolutely what you need to do. You know the templates, the structure, the to-do, the tasks. You have everything in your hands – the resources, the materials, the assistance. You just need to do it.

Stop that fear of unknown, because no matter what, it will exist. Stop comparing with others. Stop listening to others, even. You have the plan in front of you. You have the materials you need. You can do it. You knew the answers century ago. You know it. It is to work hard and persevere. And I am sure that in a few years time, you will be so much further than where you’ve started. Look how much 2 years has done to you. Imagine another 2 more.

I’m not going to lie, it definitely is not going to be an easy journey. But like what you have always known, you are built for greater things. You are a tough nut that cannot be cracked. You are a survivor. You can do it because you are Lisa. Like what all your friends say when you need help, “you are Lisa. You will be alright”.

Yes you are going to be hella fine because you are Lisa. You are the one that people go to when they need help. You are the one that people lean on. You are the one that people have faith in when everything goes wrong. And it is all possible because you are Lisa. And Lisa makes things happen. See, you are built for greater things in life.

About the unknown, don’t worry. The universe has it all planned out, I promise you. Keep working hard, just persevere. The universe will guide you and you will find your way. Maybe recently, there are too much praises and goodness in your life. You became too full of yourself. You became clouded with successes and goodness that you can’t see the next steps anymore.

But it is alright. Come back down to earth. Come back to the hard work. Come back to doing what you need to do. Because you are a fighter, you are a survivor. You can do it. Even a stranger knows that you can do it. The universe has already prepared another universe inside of you to shine in the world!

Keep fighting on, little fighter. You are a survivor. Do what is necessary and the universe will assist in the rest of your journey.

From L to L.

Of Boys and Men

Ah boys. Boys oh boys. I don’t know what to do with boys anymore. One day I think “you are giving up because of ONE boy? Dear oh dear, there are so many boys in the world!”. The next day I think “gosh he’s so cute can I have 100?” Ah boys. They are not as straight forward as I always thought they would be. The 21st century relationship dynamics is also getting so messed up that I can’t keep up anymore. Oh boys. They’re confusing, adorable and annoying all at the same time.

But you know what? Maybe it is all for the better. Maybe a period of silence and peace is what is necessary. A regular reminder that you are missed, but an individual space for personal growth. Maybe that is all that the universe has in store. A break away from things is good. It really is. After all, there are so many boys in the world!

Next Step

Enough with the playing. Enough with the delusion of success and arrogance. Enough with the comparison of other people’s lives. (un)fortunately, those international friends live in a different society, other countries, another culture.

The kind of fun they have is different. (Albeit the fun here in Singapore is not to die for.) But you have your own kind of fun. You have your own stories to tell. Funny, touching, fucked-up or just impressive. You have all these stories in you already. Life can be a series of endless parties and drugs, or it can be occasional drinks and chats. There is no rule to what kind of life you must have for it to be deemed as good, worthy to live or fun.

Everyone has their own definitions of fun. If party is not your thing, DO NOT DO IT! Simple as that. If your idea of fun is a nice stroll in the park and talking about the universe and life, DO IT. Nobody in the world should ever stop you from pursuing your own happiness. You own your damn rights to be happy.

Quick tip: Delete all those in your life that obstructs you from your happiness. You deserve all the happiness you have in the world. Do not compare because individuals are unique on their own. Strive for a better you everyday. Remember to love those around you and be grateful for every goddamn single thing in your life.

Love,
L