Once in a while, doubt overcast me like a bad thunderstorm in a little garden. It blocks the sunshine away and the flowers are not able to bloom.
The thunderstorm appeared in small doses in the past 24h. Perhaps because it feels like I’m moving on to the next stage, taking the next step, on to a next challenge. At the same time, it requires more responsibilities. Success was also just hinging on me and my efforts. If I fail, it’s ok. I can just take them as lessons learn and move on.
Now, it feels like other people’s lives are mine too.
As I move on to the next step, I need to expand beyond myself. For I am only so limited by what I know — which is incredibly little. I’m wrong, I don’t know many things and I am still just only learning. And to get to the next step, it’s taking some funds and human capital — that is beyond just me.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid of failure, of disappointing people, of things not within my control. I know that people understand these risks and I always highlight them. Despite that, people continue to place their trust and faith in me.
My fear is that I think that ED is a bigger deal than it is. It might seem like it now, but who knows in the future. I have faith in what I do, but will the market respond? We still have no clue. I’m afraid I’m getting ahead of myself and drinking my own kool-aid.
“Because we trust you.”
I’m most grateful for people always having faith in me. Grey sky thunderstorm moments like these are hard to get through without these people. Sometimes, the universe also sends some strangers to remind me about the power I have inside, and to keep going because the world needs it.
I still am fearful. But it gets less every day. And I’m so grateful for that. How do I ever deserve these people and them having faith in me, I don’t know. I’m just grateful.
Every day is a baby step towards where I want to go and what I want to build. The dream is huge, inspiring and scary. But I know I can arrive there. Hard work, effort, perseverance and my support system, we will get there.
Here’s to rays of sunshine, to chase those grey skies away.