Today I’m most grateful for friendships. My heart is overflowing with friends near and far. They say in mandarin “在家靠父母，出外靠朋友”. They say in english that friends are family you choose. As always, I carry that in my heart wherever I am in the world. I love both my blood family and the friends that I deem as family. Today, I’m grateful for my friends.
I struggle with being truly understood
Perhaps I view life with a different perspective. Combining Darwin’s adaptability and physical states of constant evolution, I think they aptly apply to how I govern my life. Call it mechanical, but I tend to apply my learning into my life, both personal and work. I think that is very important to me, and we want to constantly grow and evolve.
Because of that, it’s difficult to understand me. To fully understand me. I exist on a different wavelength. It’s not a normative statement nor measure of which is better, just an observation. And that’s why I change social circles often. Because when people stop growing and evolving, we stop connecting. I lost so many friendships, but at the same time, gained the world’s most precious friends.
Friends who truly understand
I love my friends. I love them with all my heart and soul. I’m so grateful that they understand me, at least at some pretty decent level. Despite my blood family teaching me plenty of values and lessons, my friends definitely know me more than my family. Without a doubt.
I’m so grateful for friends. The random check up on “how are you”. Their voice of reason when I need some external voice. Or even their listening ear when I need to voice some thoughts. How do I ever deserve these beautiful souls in the world, I will never understand. They are the most wonderful beings in the world, and I’m eternally grateful that they chose to be my friend.
Friends make living less lonely
Friends make life less isolated. Today made me realise that I am actually not alone. Today made me realise that I can always ring up my friends and they are there. Growing up and being different, I learnt to be okay knowing that no one will ever understand me nor my thoughts. On dark days, I literally shut myself off from the rest of the world, finish tearing and then rationalising the situation with my thoughts. I love it, it was always a fun exercise. Yet, it can get pretty lonely.
I never thought about loneliness since I have accepted since young that there are some aspects of me that will have no one to share with. I learnt that it’s ok. I kind of accepted it and went on living the rest of my life. But lately, as I encountered more problems and reflected on them, I realised the significant role friends play in my life. And I guess I started to trust people more and open myself to friends than only when I’m in a relationship.
That being said, when I open myself to friends and lose that friendship, it hurts so much! It feels worse than a breakup.
Family I’ve Chosen
And you know what I realised? Friends that understand are really so precious. They don’t have to understand all of me, because no one will ever get there. (I can’t decide if that is comforting or rather sad.) Yet in various topics, I know I can always share and someone actually understands. That is part of being heard, I guess.
Again, I’m so lucky to have met the first set of friendship-family in Hong Kong. Till today, they know me more than my blood family. They can predict my actions and read my thoughts at a very high accuracy. Of course as I moved around more and mixed with other friends, my heart is just so full of love and people who understand.
The fact that they understand, they actually know what I am going though and their constant unwavering faith in me. Oh the happy tears streaming! I’m the luckiest motherfucker who has these wonderful souls in my life. It doesn’t matter how far they are, I’m just eternally grateful they exist and are in my life. Oh universe, thank you.
I’m so grateful, so incredibly grateful.
I hope you always friend your type of family in the world.