从小，妈妈总是对我说“英雄是寂寞的”。所以从小，我就训练自己独立谋生。
When I was young, my mum always told me that heroes are lonely. I guess one could say that growing up, I never quite fit in. I simply exist amongst the sea of humans living their lives, trying to fit in. That was being lonely, in a way, because I never felt a sense of belonging. Then again, I also wanted to learn how to deal with being alone, for I know that heroes are lonely.
Weirdly, since young, I saw friendship as a burden — a weakness that others can exploit from me. I never quite opened myself up too much, until one day I found the courage to and fall in love and realised how love can change the world. That’s another story.
Then I was fortunate enough to be myself. And I could be truly me. And as I continued my process of being truly me and being comfortable in my skin, I learnt a different from of loneliness. I love my life, don’t ever get it wrong. It truly is my version of life goals. I also love my own company more than anyone else’s, so I am very comfortable with being alone.
But then comes nights like these. Nights where I look at my wall that has my goals and targets, things that inspire me, things that I keep me going. I look around my room and everything I have and own. And I’m both really happy and quite sad. I’m happy because I’m on my path towards my destination. There is everything. I can die right now. Sad because sometimes I do wish I had someone that simply understands.
I am most grateful for friends and quality people around the world. However, I have still yet to find one that truly gets and understands me. There are people who gets parts of me, of which I believe Elliott gets me the most. But still, there are some things he does not understand. He listens and he provides his support, advice or listening ear. And I’m so grateful for him.
Some nights like these, I just wish I had someone’s arms to collapse into. And for someone to hug me so tight that I know there is at least a person who truly and completely understands. Then again, my life is already really super blessed. The fact that this is an “issue” is just a first world problem. I’m grateful for everything. These nights don’t happen often. And I know that there are plenty of friends who gets different parts of me. I can always go to various people to talk about the various parts of me. And with that, I am more than grateful.
It’s a good life. And alone doesn’t mean being lonely. I love my company and there are so many that I could reach out to, all around the world. I’m grateful.
Love,
L