Do you ever have moments where you are truly happy, yet to do not mind teleporting to somewhere else?
Days like these, I wish I could take my time machine and truly immerse myself in a specific memory. Be it coming home faster grocery shopping with V, champagne with A1, bouldering with A2, lazy Sunday mornings with E, midnight chats with P or anything and everything. I hate the feeling where I long to be anywhere else but here.
I love my life, I truly deeply do. The opportunities, the single malts, the balsamico x olive oil, the quiet reading times, the long runs. There is no place I’d rather be than to be me, living my life.
Yet moments like these, after too many shots of Caol Ila, I turn to my phone to seek solace. Weird, isn’t it. Sober rational Lisa would never do that. Yet tipsy Lisa is a flick away from anything.
For real, my life is beautiful. Tennis with my brother, swimming and tanning, moving to my new place, reading and drinking. I also meditated in between, and my heart is so fucking full. Yet, at the back of my head, all I wish for, is the love that I know and want.
It makes me mad. Why isn’t everything else in life good enough? Why do we need love? I try to find the answers in countless of books but have not succeeded in any way. I don’t know, I really don’t. There is no economics principle for this. I wish I do. The answer isn’t at the bottom of the glass either.
I meditate, exercise, read, travel. I do whatever it possible takes to distract myself from this. It’s been so many months and I haven’t found the answer. I hate this. Oh universe, if you could, with your mighty power, help me through this situation.
I love my life. So goddamn much. It truly pains me that it isn’t enough. Why do I need love? Why do I want someone to share these with? Why do I crave the longing of someone?
Perhaps there is truly an advantage in feeling so much. I wish I would figure that advantage soon.
L trying to solve this puzzle
Ps. I’m 100% truly and deeply happy with my life. I’m the luckiest motherfucker in the world. Yet, why do I crave more? I truly don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense.
Greed is truly a sin, for I am happy yet greed for more is stealing my happiness away slowly, the same way inflation does to the cash under my bed.