Today, I wrote this.

I actually want this struggle. I want this fear. I want this uncertainty. I want this unknown. I want this pressure.

There is so much to do, but I still want to spend 15min to reflect on my current state. Because that is how I keep myself in check with regards to my principles, foundations and mental health.

I remembered in Q4, I was incredibly fearful as I start my day. Because I saw a need to hire, but hiring is a new pressure and I’m just fearful if the company is good enough to support the learning and growth of an individual. I’m incredibly grateful to have the best minds reminding me that this is a normal fear. In fact, it’s important to feel this fear fully because (1) it doesn’t happen again and (2) it’s a good pressure to keep steering the company forward.

A few months have passed and I’m getting more comfortable with managing a few people, growing the business internally, externally and still doing the things I used to do. I’m grateful for the talents that are in the company. That’s just something I’m so grateful for.

At the same time, I am reminded of the importance of struggle. Of the fear. Of the uncertainty. As much as we love the Hollywood movie montage of fast forwarding struggles into a 30s beautiful clip and nice background music, life is the exact opposite of it.

Truth: struggles make us who we are.

In fact, in Buddhism, suffering is key. In many philosophical and spiritual teaching, struggles and sufferings are important to growth. It it through struggles do we grow and appreciate the present. I’m grateful for meditation and daily reflections.

How easy it is for me to go out, raise money, expand the business, hire lots of people, focus on getting clients and churning out models. That’s easy. But that is not sustainable.

To really grow and remain robust in the growth, we have to emerge through struggles. Because when shit gets tough, you know you’re tougher than that. I’m really inspired by Ben Horowitz’s book and I reread it annually. It’s the hard things that create the company’s culture and growth. It’s going to be hard. But that’s ok. Because I want to fully experience this, instead of a 30s montage. I can always play my own background music.

And that’s why I embrace struggle, discomfort, uncertainty.

Because like a lotus, it blooms in dirty muddy waters and its the most beautiful of them all.

So grateful to be able to call this my life.

Love,
L