Arrived
Arrived
In the mirror, I see her face,
I’m finally keeping up with her pace.
She’s not perfect, but she’s me,
A vision of who I longed to be.
I’ve climbed the hills, I’ve walked the plains,
Felt the tears and braved the pains.
Now I stand where dreams reside,
Not flawless, but true inside.
Each level, I learn and grow,
Acquiring skills as I go.
I’ve been levelling up, rising high,
Through burnouts, breakdowns, tears that dry.
Sometimes hard Lisa takes the lead,
But when she's worn, soft Lisa concedes.
Every battle a story be told,
Every lesson a skill unfold.
In this moment, I feel the flow,
Of living the life I yearned to know.
Not the end but just the start
Of a path that's led by heart.
I’m her, the woman I’ve always dreamt of being,
Now ready to journey through all that’s worth living.
I have arrived.
— Lisa T., I’m her.
Lately I find myself wondering and experiencing a very strange dissonance.
On one hand, I’ve been insanely stressed. Peak stress of my entire existence thus far. I’ve never experienced my body warning me of the stress as much as the last 2 months. I’ve been sick, burnt out and doubts fill my mind. One evening, I told myself “you know what, I’m ok to die right now”. Not to commit suicide (obviously), but to realise, hey girl, you’ve done a lot. You’ve given your best. Now, let’s rest before we move forward. We need to rest and recharge to become better. Every weekend is a self-care day, and I’ve been recalibrating my life again, celebrating little successes and reframe my journey to move forward.
On the other hand, I find myself googling “what happens next when you live your dream life”. Obviously no answers come out and even chatgpt was not helpful. I feel like I have arrived at this very state I’ve always dreamt about. Being the “global businesswoman” I wanted to be since young, running companies, having teams, mentoring my leadership team, hiring people way smarter than me, I am who I’ve always wanted to be. Finally, I can say “I am her”. It’s not just my professional life, but I enjoy my alone time, I love my space that I’ve made my home, I enjoy hanging out with friends, I have a healthy relationship with my family, I’m content and filled with joy and hope. I’m not happy every day, but I’m truly content and that’s enough.
The funny thing is, I’m as stressed as I’ve ever been, yet I feel right where I need to be and never surer of who I am, my principles, my values. It’s not a stress-free big farm house, homestead life of “I’m her”, but the version of myself where I know I am ready to take on the world. I’ve been through so much, and it’s really hard sometimes. But I am a better version of me with every struggle, every situation, every challenge. I’m really proud of that.
And I feel truly and completely the future Lisa that past Lisa aspires to be. I know there will still be lots of challenges in life, but I just keep getting stronger. I know it doesn’t get easier, I just get better.
Here’s What’s Next
It’s like the entire world is trying to get to where I am now. And I’m trying to figure out what’s next. Rationally, I know it’s to keep improving, keep doing what I’m doing and be present. And I do that. I do what I do not because there’s fire under my ass but because I truly love and enjoy what I do. I guess that’s also why I’m looking for mentors in life, where they have reached this stage and they can share what next steps look like.
Also rationally, I know it’s family and children. And I get that, and I’m ready when it’s time. But from now till then, I guess I just keep being me.
Maybe also, I haven’t seen people who are successful in their professional life, personal life, social life and family/love life. The 4 elements of plates we keep spinning. In fact, a lot of biographies of “business people” and people I know in real life seem to lack in the family/love life aspect. Be it cheating, loose morals or separated with children, that seems to be the hardest to excel at.
Whatever it is, I’m going to keep doing me. Learn fundraising skills, let my ego go and giving the company baton to the management team I mentor, build deeper friendship with true friends, keep hanging out with my family, prioritise my alone face-mask-candle-moisturiser-skincare-books time, play 5 sports a week. Whatever it is, I have arrived at where I always want to be.
Here now, nowhere else. Come what may.
Love,
L