Originally posted on 20 January 2014
You probably wouldn't believe this but I really love my life a lot. Having turned twenty made me realise how loved I am and how I am still a little baby girl in a lot of people's minds. And I love my life a lot.
Tuesdays with Morrie
I used to be afraid of aging; although twenty isn't old. There, I began reading this book called Tuesdays with Morrie. It taught me a lot of things and reflected a lot. Aging in inevitable and what we should do is to embrace this aging process. Do not be jealous of the young, for you have been there before. Instead, enjoy every moment of time in your life and live it everyday with great happiness.
Also, I watched About Time, a movie about time travel. This man can time travel and he went all the way back to find his girl of this dream and married her and lived happily ever after. A sweet fairy tale with totally no climax taught an important lesson. In the end, the guy never went back in time, he just lived everyday to enjoy it; all the little things that makes life worth living.
And in the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.
Then, it made me realise how I should start living my life too, appreciating all the little things. I was always cautious about the little things in life, but having too much freedom in Hong Kong, I began craving for big adventures. I started to miss out the little things in life that makes life so great. To be honest, I began craving for more and more adventures that I seek for a bigger one each time.
These big adventures never made us whole. They only provided adrenaline rush during that period. I was never contented again, thus the craving for more adventures. I stopped appreciating the little things, I crave the large ones. However, this is not healthy because the little things are stuff that makes you contented from inside. It makes you reflect, appreciate and think. The big things are stuff that makes you contented from outside, like material goods, like money, like short term fun. I like them too, don't get me wrong. I am just not feeling contented from the inside anymore.
Twenty, the start of the big 2. I went back home to celebrate it. It made me remember the little things in life, the things I used to take note of, the things I used to appreciate, the things that made me who I am today. I began to be thankful for everything that happened, good or bad; appreciate all the nonsense I encounter, rejoice in bad decisions and embrace every moment. Being angry, sad or worried will NOT change anything, so I might as well enjoy it, right?
I went home, greeted with tons of food. These people whom I call family, are killing me with food. They stuff 8 months worth of food into 3 days I had in Singapore, forcing me to eat non-stop. They spend hours preparing, wake up early to buy the freshest food, clean my room and make me feel like a princess. Of course with family, comes this extended contract clause called: nagging.
Living independently made me free from nags for a long time. Having to hear them again was really annoying. But nags are just their form of love. The constant worry, the constant advice, the constant questioning. I hate it when I am not given the liberty to make my own life decisions, so nags do annoy me. But I realised I am still the little princess they have been protecting for the past 2 decades.
Sometimes, I feel that the people I meet are spies of my family (and extended family). They talk to me to get information and gather the information together to know what I'm doing in HK, who I'm meeting and where I'm going. I'm still the little baby. My uncle was in town and I had to meet him 2 stops away from where I stay, and he was worried about me making my way there. Being independent for so long with people not caring about you really made me enjoy all these nags and worries. Thank you.
You have no idea how much I want to grow up, gain my independence and find my foothold in this big world. However, the little girl inside me still secretly wants to be the little baby girl that everyone worries for. Thank you for loving me, everyone. Thank you for protecting me; ready to kick asses of those who will bully me. Thank you. I love my life.
Well, my life isn't all rainbow and sunshine. It has its shit and a level below shit too. Sometimes work isn't so fun, sometimes I do have self doubts, sometimes there are days where you feel so lazy and unproductive. However, I am making a choice now, to stop all this nonsense and start living my life productively like always!
Now is the start of the productive Lisa, becoming the old Lisa once again! The world has been warned, be prepared for the awesome me to rise up again! I have played enough, gone crazy enough and I really know it is time to grow up, time to doing something.