Originally posted on 14 July 2021
I'm done experimenting. I know what I want and I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with my forever lover. So in the meantime, why not approach science to learn more about preparing for this next phase in life?
The science to love is dopamine & oxytocin. Love is the best drug in the world!
Increase Dopamine and Oxytocin (Science Literature)
Sex. Have sex regularly. Schedule, if need be. Having sex creates oxytocin and drives up the testosterone system. It helps sustain romantic love. It creates the feeling of attachment.
Romantic love. Do novel things. It drives up the dopamine levels. It intensifies the feeling of intimacy. This is the experiential intimacy. Learn together. Do new things. Go out.
Deep attachment. Stay in touch, also literally physical touches. This is part of the oxytocin creation to deepen the connection. Or whatever the love language is.
Answers from the brain (Empirical)
Don't waste time finding the answers anymore. The best answer is to model good results. Take those couples still madly in love after 20+ years. Figure out what works. Do that.
Interview is good. But let's use science. Dr Helen Fischer did a brain scan of people who were married for a long time. Brian results showed 3 areas of brain activities:
Controlling own emotions
Positive illusions — the simple ability to overlook the flaws and focus on points you love
Ps: that's nice to know. I'm improving #1. I'm generally well equipped with #2 and #3. Becoming the best version of myself before I meet my forever person.
Do These 7 Things (Results)
overlook what you don't like and focus on what you do
express empathy for the partner
control your own emotions
have sex often
do novel things together
stay in touch
say several nice things every day
Together, we create oxytocin, dopamine and foster stronger intimate attachment. Love is the best thing we do, and we are built to love!
What Makes A Good Partner (Conclusion)
Not just him being a good partner, but also me being a good partner!
What are our values and how similar are they? → This suggests the amount of compromise required. The less compromise, the better, of course. This makes "opposites attract" a tad more challenging. (And I have had enough experience in this.)
How good are we, individually, at communication?
What about compromise?
A relationship is a "we". Sometimes, we have to make choices that are not first choice for "I" but for "we". How good are we, individually, at that?