Learning to ski, I discovered a lot more about myself.
Learning a new hard skill is humbling when I saw myself literally falling all the time. I fall, I get up.
Discovering Myself on the Slopes
My recent skiing experience turned out to be much more than just learning a new sport; it became a journey of self-discovery. Confronting the challenge of acquiring a hard skill like skiing was a humbling experience. It involved a lot of falling and getting back up, a process that strikingly mirrored aspects of my life. This reflection led to an insightful realisation: my AAA approach is truly a guiding principle in my life — Acknowledging an issue, Accepting it, and then taking Action.
It’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get up.
One thing friends tell my about myself is that I am quick at acknowledging an issue, accept it and then act on it. Not just a lack of hard skills but any situation I encounter.
The Initial Struggle and Breakthrough
The initial days on the slopes were a battle against my ego. Each fall felt like a setback, but I gradually began to see them as opportunities to learn how to fall correctly and rise stronger. Ski, fall, stand up, continue, fall again.
This mindset shift was critical. However, the real test came on the fourth day when lack of sleep, birthday alcohol and mental preoccupations pushed me beyond my comfort zone.
Facing challenging slopes, my confidence wavered, and fear took over. It was scary and I was really hurt from falling multiple times. My confidence shattered and I was in fear. And this lesson appeared now, in hindsight. I remember at a Red slope, I was really in fear. Rob said, “feel the fear and do it anyway”. With dumb courage then, I did it and was very proud of myself. But later in the day, I got really afraid and started avoiding the slopes.
Reaching My Limits and Reflecting
Despite my best efforts to lean into the fear and embrace the challenges, there came a point where I had to acknowledge my limits. This realisation was tough; it made me feel weak and question my identity, which is typically defined by courage and curiosity. However, looking back, I recognize the immense progress I made, transitioning from a beginner to skiing on advanced slopes in just a few days. This journey taught me an important lesson about setting realistic expectations and being kinder to myself.
I did my very best, days and hours of leaning in to the fear and embracing the pain. Kept falling and stood up over and over. But it hits a limit when I simply needed to stop. It made me feel weak, “snowflakey”, “soft”. I felt useless and weak for giving up just because the slopes were too hard. I felt stupid for saying I’m afraid of the slopes. Honestly the worst will just be falling down, which I am a professional at right now. I had serious doubts about myself, my courage, my curiosity as my identity. I always embrace fear and lean in to curiosity, but getting constantly beaten time after time, I can’t help but feel completely useless and weak.
I kept telling myself to learn, I have to do these. Go to the extreme ends, do the hard thing, suffer, feel the pain. (I am so bruised, I feel the pain every single day.) In hindsight now, I understand why I feel like shit! I was skiing everyday for 4 days in a row, going from barely knowing how to wear my ski boots to skiing red slopes. I have embraced pain and suffering. I have done a great job and went out of my comfort zone. My insanely high expectations to get myself to ski the black slopes was causing serious inferiority feelings in myself. That’s not far.
Acknowledging My Efforts and Looking Forward
I've come to appreciate the effort and resilience I showed. I pushed my boundaries and should be proud of that. I want to acknowledge that despite the insane bruises and public falling, I stood up each time. I even crawled to get to the end many times. I’m sorry for being so harsh on myself. I have done my best and all I needed was some real high quality rest and down time.
My knees still hurt. But when I see people skiing, I really want to ski too. Perhaps in Colorado next! Let me heal properly first. The mountains are here to stay. No rush. When I'm ready, I'll be back to embrace the falls and bruises all over again.
Love,
L