Originally posted on 10 February 2022
Lesson learnt: there are 2 Lisas. Hard vs Soft. Like wartime CEO vs peace-time CEO. Remember to let soft Lisa run the show and hard Lisa to take a break.
The past few months have been hard. More specifically, it was a sprint that I never quite unpacked. Turns out, the birthday break was really a break to escape the stress and be present. I did not look deeper into unpacking everything.
But now I know.
Vulnerable
For the longest time, I have been wanting to cry. Since late-December, I believe. I want to cry because there is a lot of benefits to crying. The hormones we create in tears is healing. After all, we are only human.
But sometimes, I get too caught up to be a superhero. I forgot I am only human.
Being human is to be vulnerable. Is to feel. Is to be soft. I forgot that.
Hard Lisa
I’ve been so focused on accelerating, pushing forward, moving and directing that I forgot to be soft. I forgot to be kind and vulnerable to myself. My mind is run by hard Lisa — wartime CEO. There is no war, it is just growth, progress and goals. And because of that, I have been really hard on me. It is not a bad thing — it just is.
The truth is that, doing what I do is fucking hard.
It really is hard. It is stressful, challenging and a pain in the butt sometimes. It’s confusion, doubt and unknown. But every day, I wake up choosing this path. All paths are hard — and I found the path that is aligned to my life goals. I chose this actively every single day. I am more than grateful to be doing what I do, every single day.
That does not discount the fact that it is hard. There is so much on my plate, so many things to do, so many ideas that are waiting to be communicated, so many new concepts waiting to be explored and researched.
I feared that if I let hard Lisa take a break, everything I’ve build collapses.
Soft Lisa
But soft Lisa exists.
Soft Lisa is here. She can run my mind. She can continue the work of hard Lisa when hard Lisa takes a break. Soft Lisa appears and takes control of the current situation — and continues to build. Soft Lisa builds in a different way. She provides the emotional support instead of the logical, rational and intellectual one.
Soft Lisa reminds to be human. Even superhumans have to recharge the battery, said Daniel. Soft Lisa helps with that. To acknowledge success and progress. But above all, as it’s what I need now, to acknowledge how fucking hard things are and great fucking job to myself for doing this every single day.
Lesson learnt: acknowledge process/progress as success too. Acknowledge the weight on the shoulders.
Grateful
I’m grateful that the 2 sides of me exists. I’m grateful that they are the same me, just focusing on different perspectives. I know my friends and family are there for me — they are my biggest support and I will never be here without them. At the same time, sometimes, it’s just so much and I am really exhausted with trying to communicate it. So I’m grateful soft Lisa exists — she understands what I’m going through without me having to explain it.
Be kind to yourself. It’s been really fucking hard — fun and hard but hard nonetheless.
Love,
L