It took me 30 years to fully truly grasp the meaning of life is art. You see, art is authentic. And authenticity includes lines of time and wear. Nothing in life lasts, nothing is finished, nothing is complete. Its incompleteness is wherein perfection lies.
I got perfection wrong. Perfection is not about completeness. It is finding beauty in its wonkiness, its unevenness, its being in time. Going back to sunsets, you never look at sunset and wish for greater orange hue there, 20º gradient change or lighter saturation. Sunsets are beautiful in every way, every day. Life is similar, and there is a soft beauty in simply appreciating it as it is, with all its incompleteness.
Scars are one of my favourite things on my body. Each scar tells a story. A hike in Blue Mountains, a surf in Bali, a snorkel in South sea Island. I am a collector of experiences and stories, and my body is a book where I store these memories. I am the outcome and the process is worth embracing.
In pottery, the imperfection in each outcome is simply perfect. The process of shaping, kindling, painting give it its character as it stands through being thrown over and over, heating over high fire and painted with a new lease of life. Life is similar to pottery, we’re constantly being shaped to become who we are, just as we are.
Peace
I’ve been really peaceful lately. Looking back, I understood wabi-sabi even before knowing what it is. I found peace in the temporariness of everything. Being a competitive, strong-headed and “type-A” person, I hated uncertainty. I hate not knowing what the next step is, I hate not moving forward. I’ve been working on it since 2019.
Today, I am at peace. 3 things changed.
This too, shall pass
I am aware that things are changing and they are changing at a very fast pace. Instead of living in the future, which I do a lot, I choose to live in the now. I know a vacation will end, and I choose to enjoy every moment until it ends, and when it does, I simply let it go. When I feel a certain emotion, I allow myself the time and space to fully embrace and accept.
I heard of “this too shall pass” since I was 15. It didn’t hit me philosophically. I have been doing meditation for 8-ish years and allow things to go. It didn’t hit me mentally. Through my life, I’ve had many experiences where I attached too much to impermanence. Being hurt time and time again, you learn and build resilience, as well as principles.
One day, I woke up and all these lessons came pouring in. Things happen and things will pass, so allow it to go. Whilst things are happening, embrace this experience, for this too shall pass.
I stop attaching long-term value to things. I simply allow happenstance to appear and when they do, I embrace the experience — for it makes it easier to say goodbye. Perhaps after decades, my heart has also softened and tore the walls down to simply allow life in. And embrace the imperfection.
Through these, I found peace.
Appreciate the Past, Think Forward, but Be Present
I used to be someone that lived in the future. Not because the now is not good, but because the future is better. The expectation of the future, discounted to today, makes life worth living. I am constantly appreciative of the past, for it led me to now, which brings me to the future. I’m constantly living in nostalgia and the future, while being present is just the medium that moves between the 2 states.
Some time ago, I realised that is a strange life to live. Life is not about moving between states, it is about the journey in the moving. I’m so focused on the end goal that I forgot about the now. Slow down, everyone tells me. And so it took me a whole 2 years to finally learn how to slow down.
I am also privileged to be able to slow down. I’ve been working so hard the past decade, and I can see the clear direction of where we are going. It gives me the headspace to slow down. There is always tomorrow and I have to live today. I have build a system that works for me professionally, and now personally. I can afford to slow down, to have my head first in the future, to appreciate my roots of the past and to simply just be.
It didn’t come free. But man, I wouldn’t change a simple thing.
I Forgive Ugliness
Sometimes, I still get mad at the imperfection of life. Some days, I am so mad it ruins my day. It took a while to finally learn this — forgive. I hate ugliness, but I learn to forgive it. And that is also where I found peace. I actually learnt it from Iliad, when Homer learnt forgiveness and found peace in his heart.
Instead of being mad at someone we can’t change, forgive its being and learn to alter the state of awareness and find beauty within. Sometimes really deep within. But yes, I stop being mad at imperfection that I cannot control.
Wouldn’t change a thing
I am here today, because of all the sleepless night, self-doubts, world ridicule, uncertainties and more. But this is my wabi-sabi. My imperfection, my scars, my wonkiness, my lines of time and wear. There were so many nights I cried myself to sleep, so much blood with my scars and buckets of sweat that made my this journey of life. Some days are hard, so hard. Yet, I love it. I love everything that comes with this all-inclusive package of life.
What a wonderful life. Collecting my experience badges as I go.
Love,
L